We Call Do-Over. Do Over, Do Over!

This is all it says. Just read it:

Amendment XIV

"Section 1.

All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."

See how easy that was? It was a five-second Google search for me and a single click for you to find this page and just read a whole existing constitutional amendment right there in the comfort of your own tabbed browser window, between babypandas.com and ladiessteppingoncockroachesinbarefeet.org or whatever it is you do when you're not reading this.

Does this seem safe to you? Having our sacred Constitution out there for public consumption for any-ole-body to, you know, consume? People who read get ideas. People with ideas start to do shit, like agitate for the vote or escape slavery. Now we have activist judges WITH THE SAME WIDE OPEN ACCESS TO THE CONSTITUTION THAT YOU HAVE JUST EXPERIENCED and using that access to coddle the usurping brown man in his reconquista crusade to reclaim Aztlan. It's worse than dangerous. Reading the Constitution and doing exactly as it says? That's practically treason.

People talk about the Constitution applying to everyone when we know all that stuff about "all men created equal" in the Declaration of Independence was specifically directed to remedy the injustices of aristocratic and monarchical 18th century British society, not to let the gardener send his daughter to a junior college on my dime. It's like people take no time to understand historical context.

The right answer, of course, is to simply change the Constitution. A black Sharpie should do it and when we're done, it should look like the military censor got hold of something posted on WikiLeaks.

This is a tried and true tactic: whenever the politics of the moment do not suit your tastes, the best plan is to fundamentally alter the legal underpinnings of an entire civilization. Usually it's a Republican thing. Nothing fires up the GOP faithful coming at a foundational document with some Liquid Paper and a ballpoint pen. Well, almost nothing...