I can say, happily, that I've spent very little time in the Dark Place since the whole marriage thing I was trying out went tits-up on me. I had a few moments early on, some gloomier than others, but at a certain point you realize, if you can't make it happen after nine rounds of Russian roulette, you're probably supposed to power through it and, with the help of some cognitive behavioral therapy and just the right amount of sticky green, everything going to be irie.
It helps to recognize and then surrender to a Higher Power, however you imagine It manifests. Unfortunately I've seen too many Stephen King made-for-TV adaptations, so It always shows up as a scary murdering clown* who wants to eat my soul. I spend a lot of time running screaming from my Higher Power or hiding in well-lit closets, wondering if It's vulnerable to buckshot. But this kept me from dwelling on the paucity of personal high points in the early days, so I'm grateful to my Higher Power for that transitional boost. We still see each other every once in a while, but less so since I cut way, way back on the Thai stick and realized It was way more interested in my kids anyway. That last bit really helped keep the other rejection beats in perspective.
Now, as most of the paperwork portion of the legal dissolution is past the rough and tumbly bit and more of a benign, blinding tedium nature, things have become... almost... and I hate to say it outloud... hopeful? I don't know. All I know is I almost never contemplate firearms these days in areas not related to the stupid fucking dog we inexplicably bought after the missus knew she was moving out but hadn't yet shared this information with me. Adorable? Sure. But the diggingest, barkingest, furniture-shreddingest motherfucking non-purebred thing in the history of animal domestication. But at least we only paid four figures for it at the mall.
Just to be clear, I could never bring myself to hurt a defenseless** dog. When I do shoot, it's more to emphasize a point than to land one. Plus I'm in such a chilled-out Zen-y place, I don't really have it in me to go off completely just because I get a little curious about what kind of sound his little doggy neck would make were I to snap it.***
But I do catch myself wondering: where's a soul-sucking murderous clown when you need one?
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* yes, I recognize the redundancy.
** sometimes I'll put a knife or a heavy flashlight within paw's reach just to give it a fighting chance.
*** I'm guessing: "snap!"
Friday, June 4, 2010
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12 comments:
perhaps you should revisit Cujo or Pet Sematary to calm yourself re: the dog.
glad you're feeling more hopeful. I myself have given up on hope, deciding that it is the most insidious and destructive force in the world. but that's just me, and my dark raincloud that follows me around everywhere i go.
I wonder how many people were truly traumatized by IT. for myself, I read the book in maybe 8th grade, and the main impression it left on me was some interest and confusion about the very peculiar and semi-graphic sex scenes late in the book.
Perhaps some shrubbery would help. One that looks nice, and not too expensive. For It, in all It's manifestations, haunts us all.
As for dogs, how did you end up with the pup? What, was all the legal wrangling just about what you both got to keep, nothing about what you could paw (pun!) off on the other?
He is cute though, and could come in handy. Dogs are good chick magnets, after all, if it weren't for the feral clown hanging around you.
KnK: Semi-graphic wha?! All I remember is Richard Thomas' mole.
Kay-Z: No wrangling. I'm the only one with a yard. So it was keep it or Puppy Lake. I'm still thinking.
In the book, when all the kids have their final confrontation with the feral clown (which, by the way, is an AMAZING phrase), they ALSO all have sex with the one girl in the group. It's pretty creepy, when I think about it in retrospect. Also it was semi-graphic.
I dunno. Feral clowns and pre-pubescent sex....a disturbing combination that may explain a lot about my psyche.
Also, KZ is totally right: dogs, especially puppies, especially cute ones, are total chick magnets.
KnK ..... which, phonetically, sounds like Kinky.... which is what we've digressed to, I think....
Anyways, KnK, Chapter 8 in Jaws was my pre-teen introduction to soft porn. That is, if you don't count "We must, we must, we must increase our bust!" in Are You There God, It's Me Margaret, which was totally nothing like the car sex scene in Jaws. I remember it was Chapter 8, because my friends and I would blurt out, "Chapter 8!" while around parents and boys to get each other to blush and giggle in embarassment. I am sure my perception of auto-eroticism (oh, admit it, you love that pun!)has been completely influenced by my pre-teen choice of marine horror summer reading. I am, however, thankful my sexual fears and/or desires do not involve in any way feral clowns. Until now. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Pops, take that puppy on a walk. It will do you good. I don't mean the puppy, I mean the .... oh, figure out the entendre yourself.
It's true that a puppy is a chick magnet, but it disturbs and saddens me that the attracted chicks are all 35 years younger than me.
And having contemplated this deeply myself, I think it's more of a "crack."
Mister Gumby, I sadly have personal knowledge that the smaller vertebrate species pop, not crack*. But then, I guess it depends on the methods.
The crack you hear, again sadly from personal experience, is the knees of the women more appropriate to your age bending down to pet the pooch. Which is why us "mature" matrons prefer large dogs. I could get into other reasons why women may prefer large dogs, but I think I've debased this thread enough.
*Note to everyone: Don't mess with the turtlegirl.
So you're all saying that instead of sitting my boys down and having the dreaded sex talk with them I should just hand them a popular horror novel instead? Can you still get copies of "The Stand" or is it out of print? And is it dirty enough, or should I stick with "It"?
I guess I don't really care. The nightmares will keep them distracted enough so they won't bother me about that nonsense anyway. Thanks, readership.
I don't think the Stand is dirty enough, unless you count the weird kinky (KnK) stuff with Harold (?) and Nadine. which isn't very graphic.
I vote for IT. the feral clown aspect will work wonderfully as an abstinence-inducer, so you won't have to worry about your boys getting some dumb girl knocked up or anything.
If you go the literary route to sex ed, I think you have three paths. You can go for terror of sex, in which It may work (although I've never read it, so what do I know?). You could go for desperate depression over the result of sex, in which Angela's Ashes would be a good candidate (giving the perfect combination of ignorance of what sex is along with the horrible consequences of not knowing what sex does). Or, you could go "all the way", as it were, and provide a large quantity of romance novels to teach them the bizarre and frightening world of women's fantastical and sexual desires, making them quite popular on the playground.
I, personally, have gone the utterly clinical biology route, complete with diagrams, big words, and a field trip. Nothing dulls the interest like actual facts.
Word Verification: Whificoc, which sounds kinda dirty.
Wait, hold on, RICHARD THOMAS' MOLE?! THAT's what you remember?? Tim Curry still makes my body involuntarily go into fetal position.
KZ, re: your word verification.. No whifi; they don't smell so good.
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