Remember, my boy, despair is a mortal sin

I think if Barack Obama were to personally swim down to the site of the oil leak a mile underwater at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico and halt the flow with a giant cork, there's still a base element of the population who would insist on being displeased. It is likely they would argue that sure, maybe he did it, but we heard the stopper was made out of aborted fetuses held together by gay pride flags manufactured in Mexico.

And then a further segment would deny him any credit it all, saying the story is the invention of the groveling, fellatiatic mainstream media driven by an unslakeable bloodlust to devour the descendents of Confederate soldiers, long the promise of international socialism. As undeniable proof they would cite the scientific certitude the fact that black people can't swim.

The problem is, there is no counterargument, not to any of it. You could challenge any or all of it, listing as evidence anything from Cullen Jones to the native buoyancy of aborted fetuses, but it wouldn't matter. These are the dinosaurs-on-Noah's-Ark people. Or fuck, just the Noah's Ark people. There's no talking them out of anything. When they watch Glenn Beck, they aren't doing it for the irony.