It's the pictures that got small

I don't mean to brag, but I totally knew it was a hoax the minute I heard about it. Sure, there was all the buzz around the office, the normal "didyouheardidyouhearohmygod" panting hysterics, but just like that Michael-Jackson-Is-Dead bullshit that all of you fell for a couple months ago, I wasn't buying.

It's bald-faced cynicism maybe, sure, but look, this is the Reality TV era. The only thing that's important is to get yourself mentioned, roll up some notoriety and then parlay that into a big fat dignity-free televised celebration of the malfunctioning shame centers of your brain. They call it "going Jon and Kate." Clown-car uterus optional.

The news coverage was typically breathless, but then again these are the same media outlets that cut into the DEVELOPING STORY of Gwyneth Paltrow not being pregnant to give you BREAKING NEWS of a horse stuck in a drainage channel. People like to point to Ed Murrow and Walter Cronkite as the monoliths casting the shadow in which modern journalism is left sun-starved, withered and sallow, but at least they had Joe McCarthy and moon rockets to fall back on. What do we have to report? IEDs and what Lindsay Lohan weighs. 24 hours is one hell of a news cycle to fill when the president just won't invade some new shit like we'd like him to.

So yeah, I guess on that count we can't really blame the media for glomming on to something that was so obviously a hoax, but shame on them for not at least leaning on the story to get it to topple over. Where's the follow up? Where's the second, third, fourth question that cracks the burnt sugar crust on the crème brulée of shameless mendacity?

I said it when I saw and I'll say it here again: no way this was ever true.

I know, right? Totally worse than that stupid balloon thing.

Here's the money quote:

Bardwell said he has discussed the topic with blacks and whites, along with witnessing some interracial marriages. He came to the conclusion that most of black society does not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said.

"There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage," Bardwell said. "I think those children suffer and I won't help put them through it."

God help those who won't help themselves. Or at least send them to Loozyana where this man will figure out all your shit for you. In his capacity as Guy Who Knows What's Best For Y'all, he also refuses to notarize documents for passports (foreigners don't receive Americans well), authorize transfer of ownership for any vehicles manufactured in Mexico (illegals frequently hide in trunks or, if very small, glove boxes) or validate parking (encourages an abdication of personal responsibility).

It's difficult for him in his passive role as a JP to positively change the world with his pro-active go-getter policy of getting all up in people's business uninvited, but now with this new high public profile, the TV offers will roll in and soon enough he'll be stamping out miscegenation for "Judge Judy" money.

Yes, OK, he had to draw us in with the unbelievable "mixed race is bad" bullshit in Obama's America, but now he's got his high profile. Next stop? The Premiere Radio Networks.

It's sneaky, but I don't dislike it. He can't have really thought that being kind of a dick would definitively stop these people from marrying when they could, say, go to another county or, perhaps, come back on his day off. There's no way he thought that. Because then he would be retarded. Nope, has to be the publicity. Dude knows how the game is played.


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You will notice to the right I've integrated the Twitter feed. I barely have a Twitter feed. But I thought we'd try it out. Bump this crap up to more than once a week, content-wise. I'd invite you to follow me, but I'm not 100% sure what that means. I am old.