Stat!

We're clearly at the precipice of a immensely consequential historical, economic and social reordering in this country, one undertaken in every other Western democracy lo these fifty years ago, where we in America may at last be able to reasonably and reliably expect an approach to personal health and well-being that is based on real human--dare I say, Christian--compassion and physical need rather than profit margin and socioeconomic cost-effect triangulation.

As self-appointed commentators, choosing to wave our flags in the public sphere, I think it's incumbent upon us to try to advance the Universal Health Care ball, whether we agree with the extant proposal or not, in order to fully consider the ramifications and, ideally, to offer reasonable solutions where we see the health care bill falling short.

With that in mind, I have compiled a point-by-point consideration of the health care reform proposal, for the edification of my meager readership, in the hope that even in this scant space so rife with egotism and shallow intellectual hucksterism, an exchange can be had that serves the public good, the cause of human wellness and, yes, freedom itself.

With that in mind:

I. Health Care Reform.
A. Points of contention
1. The Public Option
a. The argument For.

Resolved: the Public Option is... uh... good? Does anybody... er... no, it's socialism and we shouldn't try to... umm...

Hey, did you hear Michael Jackson's nose is missing? Gnarly, right? He's the only dude I can think of for whom death is only a waypoint on the path to the next stepping stone of alien weirdness. It's like he's a Bizarro Buddha on his way to a state of perfect non-perfection, transcending the normal limits of life and death along the path to Freakazoid Nirvana.*

Oh yeah, I was supposed to be on this boring-ass health care thing. I'm sure the Michael Jackson nose thing can be instructive in some way.

Pro: Too much medical intervention creates subhuman Frankensteinian freak of ur-Nature, socialist paradigm of cobbled together race and gender deprived non-individual, without even a nose to call his own.

Con: Pared-down lean-and-mean public medicine no longer caters to the whims of the disturbed and disturbingly wealthy, hopefully putting an end to such self-inflicted mutilation as eleventy rhinoplasties, elective gastrointestinal mutilation in the name of weight loss and, well, Joan Rivers. The Government Medicine Police are your friends! Discuss.

Thank you for your consideration.

* somewhere in Utah, probably.