I Feel Seen

I probably haven't been as careful as I could have been leading up to this point. Sure, I post anonymously and mix it up by including bits of true things that might have been zhuzh-ed for effect or even outright lies because I'm a seasoned enough writer to know aspects of my actual life aren't good readin' material. I'm just out here doing everyday stuff like everyone else. Humdrum mundanity abounds like the compounding aches and pains of progressing middle age, what medication I may or may not be on, what shows I'm watching on which streaming platforms, which shows you definitely need to watch ohmygod-how-have-you-not-seen-that-yet-it's-so-good, Australian rule football scores, that time I ate a diamond, how I've cut my average down to four bar fights per week and the dizzyingly graphic/borderline upsetting details of the sexual dynamics within my eight-person live-in polycule. Just normal stuff, yawn.

As careful as I've been (for your reading benefit!), I'm sure it's possible to piece together some of the actual aspects of my life, like how I very subtly over the course of the recent government shutdown and in a series of consecutive multi-hundred-word posts given the impression that I'm a worker in federal governmental employ somehow.

But haha, how could that be true, no way! Those jobs are super hard to get! That's a cushy life (as I've heard) basically free money for no work, where you can just fuck off and play golf or tennis during a work day. The jokes' on those federal workers, whoever they are, because tennis? That's actual effort, so much running! If I'm getting paid for not working but had to pick a sport to do instead of my not-work, I'm not taking one with a signature injury named after it, I'll tell you that. Also, with all that sweating, I'd be really threatening my reputation as an indolent layabout. Not worth it! Everyone knows the laziest athletes all play pickleball.

In the interest of maintaining my air of mystery and looking to protect myself better in the future, I won't confirm or deny if I'm a federal employee. Especially on a social media platform like this. Saying anti-Trump things on a site readable by anyone? That's how you get fired these days, that's what I've heard.

But you can ask yourself: is it still "social" media if literally no one is reading it?! My best defense--wily, sage, definitely on purpose--is having an audience that, when averaged out over the years, is statistically indistinguishable from zero. An almost null level of engagement sure feels like winning to me, no matter what my dad, teachers, ex-wife and therapist(s) used to tell me.

I'm a little worried though, as the dark corners might not stay so safely umbral these days. Now they can train AI to scour the internet--all of the internet, even these cobwebby parts nobody has ever looked at--for whiffing, acrid, burnt-cinnamon hints of baked dissent. Then I'd be found out! Done for! Activated!

I guess the answer is to make hay while AI is still bullshit. Our days here, just like my time in the federal job I DEFINITELY DON'T HAVE, are numbered.