Team Viewer

 

Zack Snyder's Justice League

starring Gal Gadot, Ray Fisher, Henry Cavill, Amy Adams, Ben Affleck, Jeremy Irons, Ezra Miller, Jason Momoa, Diane Lane, Connie Nielsen, Amber Heard, Willem Dafoe, J.K. Simmons, Ciaran Hinds, Jesse Eisenberg and, sadly, Jared Leto

directed by COME ON, IT'S RIGHT IN THE NAME

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My first thought was that I was going to live-blog the thing whole four-hour taking-in of this re-experience of a thing I didn't like the first time I experienced it. But then I realized if I were trying to write a thing while watching, I'd have been way too tempted to reach for smarmy snark for writing's sake as opposed to sitting and understanding it as it revealed itself. Also I realized it's harder to get up and walk away with a laptop on my lap if I got overwhelmed with the bullshit-jitters in my legs if it turned out to be anything like the theatrical version. Things that are bad tend to lodge themselves in my quadriceps in a way that needs to be vigorously exorcised out. Through the whole last season of Game of Thrones, I lost eleven pounds.

Instead I've had some time to sit and digest what I've just seen, to contextualize everything with exactly as much depth as one might expect in the fifteen or so minutes that has elapsed. I'm trained in critical thinking and analytical expression in an American publicly-funded graduate program, so marshaling all that, I can say as a first impression: it was fine!

Let's take a second to be fair to Joss Whedon: it can't have been easy to parachute in to a film project mostly done with its principle photography and then try to assemble a finished film in any circumstance, let alone in the highest of high-profile projects with a massive cast and a zillion zillion moving parts. Also to be fair to Joss Whedon, he did a bad job and made everyone made while doing it because he's a massive fucking tool.

It's a four-hour movie, like I said before. Before seeing it, you already know with 100% confidence that there's no earthly justification for this much movie. Four hours is too many hours for one film, by all the standard cultural definitions of narrative film and probably a bunch of by-laws of the film editor's union. So it's too long. And it's a DC movie, all of which have paled behind the Marvel films in all aspects except their ability to dilate spacetime to feel more interminable than they actually are. If I were to say to someone "in the seventh hour of Suicide Squad..." nobody would blink a fucking eye.

The whole point of this of course is to determine if there's any reason for this to exist, and of course the obvious answer is no. Culturally, aesthetically, artistically, practically, financially,* it's an unjustifiable vanity project propelled forward by some of the grosser forms and entitlements of modern fandoms. But the vanity project is at least born out a troubling personal tragedy for Zack and Deborah Snyder, so already I'm spotting them a bit of space to try.

There are two judgments to make, one about the objective value of the film on its own and the inescapable (more) subjective second one about whether or not it's better than the previous version. I've already opined on the first point (see above re: fine!). The second already has the massive advantage being compared to something that suuuuuuuuuucks.

The performances aren't new, but it's a wonder what better editing choices filling out character arcs can do to add depth and human weight to something that is otherwise unchanged. Reordering of scenes, elimination (even more than anything added) of unnecessary Whedon-poisoned arch dialogue and restoration of some story beats completely recontextualize what was cringey into something not just passing but actually compelling. Demigods still throw mountain-breaking haymakers at cartoon moth-people, but now they're throwing mountain-breaking haymakers at cartoon moth-people with feelings. It's good.

The basic scorecard as far as the outcome from character to character with regard to changes: Batman: neutral (still broody and guilty); Superman: neutral (still missing for half, then basically making the same story impact); Aquaman: minus (this time doesn't have a solo movie coming out, so not forced into the forefront at others' expense); Wonder Woman: slight plus (about as prominent with mildly deeper stakes); Flash: HUGE PLUS (from doofy comic relief non-factor sometimes running in a straight line to no effect to incredibly fun critical player displaying a whole range of abilities); Cyborg: HUGE DOUBLE PLUS (basically gets a whole second movie in which he an actual person with feelings and critical contributions to the Macguffin plot stuff); Lois Lane: PLUS (no longer shoved around the checkerboard like an embarrassing prop, becomes a tangible emotional anchor of the Superman portions with just a few tweaks); Alfred the Butler: PLUS (because he's still fucking in it, and a goddamned delight); Steppenwolf: PLUS if only because the CG of his face and character design as a whole has been completely overhauled to the point where he is no longer the boringest, most cynically plot-devicey thing in the history of filmed entertainment.

The best I can say is that it wasn't a waste of four hours. After I watched it, I was happy for the characters and enjoyed the buzzy hum of satisfaction after having seen characters I want to see kick asses kick all the asses in ways that aren't insulting or generic. Wonder Woman swords things real good. Superman drops some thunder punches. Flash goes so, so fast, you guys. And Cyborg lasers things AND does smart computer stuff! How many "fuck yeah!" did I get out? More than one!

The real deciding factor of course is that it's automatically a good movie if Joe Morton dies in an interesting way. Does that happen here? You but your ass that happens here. Everything else is academic.

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*Probably? Who knows how money works with subscriber services. How does a "hit" series or movie make them more money, unless it somehow draws a bunch of new subscribers. But does HBOMax have that much room to grow that any surge interest could possibly recoup the production cost for basically a whole second Justice League movie? Math is a problem for me on the best days and finances are essentially a Nazi Enigma code I'm trying to break down with an Etch-a-Sketch.