I honestly couldn't name two of them. Or really even pick him out of a crowd, at least not with his shirt on. But I know I'm supposed to hate him. And be relieved he's Canadian. Don't get me wrong, I'm more than happy to do both, readily and enthusiastically, but I also want to re-emphasize my ignorance to his oeuvre. I won't lie and say that's not a point of some pride affirming a) my general taste in music and b) the generational awareness of knowing when shit ain't meant for me.
A friend of mine on facebook lamented the passing of what used to stand up as real celebrity gossip, pointing out the ole canard about Richard Gere and a gerbil as evidence of what we'd lost. Now we're supposed to be scandalized by video of the Bieber kid being shitty at basketball and not realizing it. Mostly that just makes me mad at the people around him for agreeing to let him win all the time just to make sure they stay on the payroll, but even that, eh... Justin Bieber in a compromising position with an actual canard, now that would be news.
Beyond pop culture, I didn't watch any of the president's speech on this immigration thing, but the good news is, I don't have to anymore. I can triangulate my reaction with a simple equation based on my political predisposition, multiplied by the most batshitty fever-swamp loon-fuck-iest of uninformed responses on the other side (conveniently provided well in advance of the actual presentation of the proposal) and I already know: SUPER IN FAVOR. Not sure what it is, but put me down for two of them. Or fuck it, give me three. Christmas is coming.
This Bill Cosby thing is a bit too far in the other direction for fun celebrity gossip, though. I mean, a guy jams a gerbil into his colon, that's something you can really sit down (gingerly) and think about, something you can really get your mental paws and oversized mental teeth into, safely, because it's a) super gross and b) probably didn't happen. But hey, you're in the fourth grade, you're way out on the playground by the kickball backstops, there are no teachers for dozens of feet, you and your friends have already exhausted the Oxford Debating Society question of what the worst bad word you could say was* and now, well, it's time to roll out the Richard Gere story you heard from your older sister's guy friends. You know, the ones who think it's hilarious when you swear.
The drugging and raping of more than a dozen people stops being one of the fun peccadilloes that make celebrities seem more supernaturally weird and just lands on horrifying and sad. Sure, people are still going to try to make jokes, usually by lazily inserting a pudding-pop reference,** but all I can really think about are statutes of limitations. Like everything else I talked about so far though, I don't know anything about this, except what I've read on the interwebs. So I know what I'm supposed to think, but I have no idea what I believe. The outrage and betrayal that are asked of me, those are there. So is the idea of due process. You bring up due process though, and the built-in response is hostility, as if it's meant as apologia or some kind of cowardly dodge. That's a misunderstanding. Due process is the only way, at the end of it, there's real punishment. Not getting to do a fourth or fifth television series is not punishment. Rapists should go to jail. Maybe spend some time with other rapists. But that only happens at the end of due process, which should apply to everybody. Even if they are 77 years old and wear adorable sweaters.
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*Still "smegma"
**Actually inserting a pudding pop hasn't made it into any of the reports thus yet.***
***See what I did there?
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2 comments:
Hey Pops, I don't write often but I often mean to. I am thankful for you and your weekly missives. I look forward to reading them always and think you are funny, smart and sensible. You have the talent to find the right word to make a point and I think it seems almost effortless on your part. (Let's contrast rapist with adorable in the same paragraph. That one leaves a mark.)
It's a pleasure to know you by word. You need a book deal or an op-ed column or --- I don't know. Something. Unfortunately, I cannot help you with either of those, but should you get one or the other, I'll buy the book, paper or magazine. Maybe all three.
I wish you and your family a grand Thanksgiving long weekend. I am definitely enjoying mine. Best regards, Amy
Woo, secured one sale! Now allI need is something to sell...
Thanks, Amy. Your continued support is invaluable. Once I figure out what to sell, I will be able to value it much more precisely.
I think I hit that joke one too many times... Compliments fluster me.
You're the best. Thank you for tolerating all this. Intentional nonsense is harder to produce than it seems, hopefully. I appreciate your appreciation of it.
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