Homeorotica

I'll come right out and say I'm 100% against child suicide. I know it's an election year and people tend to be a little bit more cagey about their positions on social issues as part of the long tradition of American political rationalism and circumspection, but fuck it, I don't care: I hate child suicide. I said it. I'll own it. If anyone asks you "Hey, did that guy on that blog really say that?" you don't just say "Fuck yeah, he did!" you do them some small bit of physical discomfort and you walk away. You don't have to punch them or anything, maybe just flick an earlobe or encroach a little too much on their personal space to where they feel the impulse to back up just a tad. The point has to be emphasized. I'm counting on you.

Also: love gay people. Love 'em. Not literally of course. And never physically. But mostly as an idea, you know? In person they creep me out a little, naturally, but dang, do they liven up a People magazine.

I get that there needs to be an effort to mitigate the social strain of gayness in an overwhelmingly heteronormative world. It's why we have the It Gets Better project, an idea long overdue according to people like myself in whom, as I've already illustrated, the positions of anti-child-suicide and pro-gayness neatly dovetail.

But the thing is, I'm thinking... does everyone need to contribute? I mean, doesn't it kind of water down the message if just ANYone makes a video about their post-bullying life? If Ellen DeGeneres makes a video about what you get for toughing your way through the difficult, punishing years of adolescence carrying the unforgivable burden of Identifiable Difference, that really means something. She's got a ton of money, a TV show, a giant house and a wife who is not only hot-ass, but ALSO a lesbian. All really long odds, but her life is all champagne in the VIP luxury box at the WNBA games. That's something worth living for.

Did we really need the help from Kristy McNichol, though? She just publicly came out, which is great for her, I guess, but where's the audience, really? Does anyone under 40 have a solid idea who this is? I'm 37 and the best I can put together is that she's the girl from the '70s who wasn't on Eight is Enough. From the article, there are two things we've learned about Kristy McNichol, namely that "she is very happy and healthy" [which is to say, not dead] and "enjoys living a very private life" [cannot convince anyone to pay her to be on television]. Again, I'm very pleased for her and her publicist who finally, FINALLY had something to do for a day, but come on, we're trying to save the lives of bullied gay teens here. We have to aim a little higher, I think.


She seems fine, but I don't know if we've come all the way down to the point where we break the glass and release Kristy McNichol on the movement as yet, do we? I understand that the point of any minority rights movement isn't to win for them the unalienable guarantee of perfect happiness for all eternity but to win the true equality that comes with the freedom to be publicly miserable like everyone else. But I just don't think we're there yet. It's an unfair disadvantage to put on the early adopters of gay marriage and gay... well, adoption, sure, but it's a strategic necessity to put up the Ellen DeGeneres face to prove to the hostile penis/vagina lawmakers that it's safe to treat them the way humans should expect to be treated because they'll buy houses and pay taxes and keep their lawns in reasonable states of repair.


All I'm saying is I think it's a little early in the game for Kristy McNichol. The danger is we'll get a backlash from the moderate right, who'll start listening to whisperings about the Gay Agenda. It's just part of their plot, they'll say, to keep gay people alive. They have to, you know, because they can't breed. And they're doing it by co-opting OUR internets, the same ones we use to watch wholesome straight, man-on-woman-and-another-woman porn, centered around the thrusting, delving and ejaculatory antics of enormous cocks. In the marriage-bolstering manner we procreators enjoy.


Of course Kristy McNichol doesn't need my permission to be gay in public. I'm just saying maybe do the responsible thing and boost your IMDb profile before you commit to it.