Reproductive Organs Included Below!

The downside to not being able to post every day--or, OK, every week--is that you lose some of the immediacy that daily blogging affords.

I had some really good blogposts all queued up and ready to go in my head during the Democratic and Republican National Conventions, but then, you know, some family strep throat here, a camping trip there and next thing you know it's September and all the good teen-pregnancy/snowbilly jokes are spoken for. I didn't even get to come up with "Caribou Barbie," which is fine considering it's totally sexist and inappropriate, but still, damn.

Yes, it's true, I would have had less to work with during the DNC because of my regular pinko America-hating lefty bleeding heart pro-terrrorism views. But that whole maelstrom with the Sarah Palin thing, that frothy, frothy 24 hours following the announcement... I swear to you I was thisclose to quitting my job just for the blog time.

On the other hand, as much as I love a good maelstrom, the gift of time and distance can force you to be a little more circumspect, a little less beholden to the 24-hour news cycle, a little more able to pretend you knew shit was going to happen after it already happened.

Like Sarah Palin, I can go ahead and claim I held positions at the time between my last blog post and now, when none of my thoughts were broadcast and really, in blog terms, I ceased to exist at all. In essence, a blogger not blogging is the blog version of Alaska.

Honestly, though, I thought about all the hue and cry about the Palin nomination, how her 18-month gubernatorial experience in a state with a smaller population than the freeway between my house and the Orange County line RIGHT NOW, her pregnant daughter and her baby with the Down's somehow meant that SHE was retarded. Like she was going to walk out on stage at the RNC, quiver behind the podium for a minute, foam at the mouth and then, from somewhere on her person, produce a live beaver and then eat it.

I mean, she is a governor. Sure, of a totally BS state like "Alaska," but you have to be able to talk in pulic for that job, at least. And she spent the better part of a week in lock-down with very serious national campaign political professionals so gifted in digital human simulacra programming, they were able, on occasion, to even make George Bush seem like an real boy.

So she walks out, eats NO BEAVERS (hello, Googlers!) and we, as a nation, gasp and cheer and swoon over the Magic Talking Lady.

I mean, seriously, what did we think was going to happen?

And still, amidst all the political lust and soft hands, I have to hear about liberal media bias.

I have decided that while Sarah Palin might not actually be all that smart, that's not really what she's selling. Fuck, I don't know what a "Fannie Mae" or a "Freddie Mac" is either. And I bet if you asked McCain, Obama or Biden, none of them would be able to break either one of those people/thing/entities/whatever down into digestible pieces either. What I think is that, the reason why we get this Palin-mania has taken hold amongst GOP base voters and your Liberal Media is because she, ironically, by far has the most balls out of the four major-party candidate/vice-candidates.

I probably shouldn't say that. Is it sexist or anti-sexist to describe a woman in terms of male anatomy? I haven't been able to figure out if I'm being patriarchal or gender-blind egalitarian. Seriously, what's the girl-equivalent? Fallopian tubes? Not quite the same rhetorical ring to it, you have to admit.

But look, this is someone who knew her daughter was pregnant, who knew she was being investigated for something I don't care enough to remember about, who knew she was not only Queen of a made-up place, but had only been so for about 18 months and STILL took the job when Crackers McCain asked her if she wanted it.

And now she's out there making declarative statements about shit she KNOWS she never heard of before AND boldly proclaiming things we all know to be lies.

Fallopian tubes? As big as church bells.

See even I can't make that work.

But hopefully you get the point.

I might not be here every day, but I'm glad I still get to play.