Three Commas

I guess it makes sense that if you're Donald Trump, you wouldn't just get embroiled in a run-of-the-mill, forgettable predatory financial scam, no. You'd get your self tied up into the biggest, best, most terrific, unbelievable predatory financial scam in the history of predatory financial scams. When it all comes out, just wait, you're going to be so happy with it, I promise you. Sure, on the outside, Trump University looks like a fairly classic and ordinary snake-oil sales pitch, but you have to keep in mind that it's snake oil of the highest, most luxurious, most terrific-est quality; I don't see how buying into it wouldn't possibly turn you into an actual snake. There's no reason to think that anyone who used Trump University wouldn't automatically, absolutely and forever love it. And him. Everyone would. Even the blacks.

OK, probably not the Mexicans, but that's not his fault. He can't help it if they're sensitive about the idea of building a wall to only keep the rapist ones out of America. But it doesn't really matter because they seem to be genetically predisposed to harshly judging Donald Trump, in one case at least literally.

The only other demographic group that seems to remain stubbornly (and publicly) against Trump University is former Trump University "students." The Daily Beast can do their worst trying to tear down something instead of building things, like Donald Trump does,* but that's the biased press for you. Suspiciously absent from the article is exactly which part of Mexico the Daily Beast complainers are originally from.

The media, I guess, won't be diverted from their warpath. He's trying to bring this country together, using any and all collections of words and phrases he can muster, no matter how immediately contradictory or provably false, and all they want to do is talk about how he hasn't given money to veterans' charities he loudly and endlessly proclaimed that he would several months ago. It's like these disgusting people want America to fail. Nobody's thinking long-term, pointing out that the way to gain real power is to organize in numbers, not stand around waiting for a handout. If wounded veterans want to get ahead, they should just be patient. Once Donald Trump is president, there will more than likely be a whole lot more of them very soon.

The worst thing is how they won't leave Donald Trump alone about his finances. He's got the best finances, they are so strong, so deep and so, so... really none of your business. There's no law that says a candidate has to release his tax returns to the public. It's just a courtesy, like bowing to a queen or not staring at a guy's obvious hair weave.

These are the real villains. The nosy. The diggers. The haters. They want to say it's because he doesn't want people to see how much he doesn't pay in taxes or that him selling off assets to pay for his campaign means he doesn't have the worth (or at least not the liquidity his proclaimed worth suggests) he often very publicly asserts. The goal obviously is to not only derail his inevitable presidency, but to really hit him where it hurts: to make him drive a car with regular doors. Like a fucking animal.

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*Your personal credit card debt, for example.