Judge Dread

It's no good beating around the bush with it, let's just get straight to the details of the POLITICAL ASSASSINATION of Justice Antonin Scalia, probably on the orders of--if not actually by the hand of, if you ask me--so called "president" BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA this past week.

1) With only 11 months left in his PROBABLY ILLEGAL reign administration, Obama knows that the heroic activism of the non-liberal Supreme Court majority (the same one that saved us from having to utter the phrase "President Al Gore") is what stands between him and his agenda of gun-stealing communist immigrant Mexican Sharia law* imposition that we've been warned about since the first time he SHAMED WHITE LIBERAL WOMEN into voting him into office by unfairly unleashing the power of Oprah in 2008. If he's ever going to be the dude we've always known him to secretly be, he has to get this ship we call American Democracy steered right at the Kenya-sized iceberg made of aborted babies. Someone had to go.

2) Right on schedule with the necessary timing to enact the full force of his plan to transform America into the wussified freeloader state he so desperately desires, Scalia just "happened" to get himself a free trip to the Cibolo Creek Ranch, a tiny, remote, ultraluxe resort where he could be ISOLATED AND ALONE AND VULNERABLE. From what I've read, the place doesn't even have a dedicated beer sommelier. They just rely on the regular bar staff to make recommendations, that's how inexcusably understaffed it was. I wouldn't be surprised if the outrage of that fact alone didn't kill him.

3) But we'll never know what DID kill him, because guess what? NO AUTOPSY. Nope, it was deemed "natural causes" over the phone by some Texas person--an officer of the court on the PUBLIC PAYROLL--because the laws in the state don't require an in-person examination. Say what you want about Obama and/or Hillary and/or the Illuminati, they knew what they were doing when they had that law put in place. From what I understand, they'd tried to test the law like 10 years ago by having Dick Cheney murder a guy at another Texas ranch resort but apparently ole Darth Cheney gets a tummy ache when he has to do his own wet work, because all he did was pepper some dude's face with some shotgun pellets. Maybe that was the idea, though. Maybe having a high-ranking executive branch official kill TWO people at Texas ranches a decade apart was a bit too on-the-nose. But from what I heard, Cheney mostly missed the guy's nose too.

4) Justice Scalia was found with a pillow "over his head." Automatically suspicious as nobody has ever once slept like that. But his death was also deemed to have been probably a heart attack, which we know the CIA can induce at will. To paraphrase Sherlock Holmes: "Once you have enough information that you get tired of typing it, what's cobbled together is probably the same as the truth. Ish." Although to be fair, that's probably more the CBS Holmes than the BBC one. So: secretly injected with a heart-attack toxin administered via face-pillow. Obvious.

5) Did you see Obama talking about Donald Trump, like right after all this Scalia stuff came out? He was all calm, relaxed, candid, thoughtful... like he was all out of fucks left to give, man. All smug like he can be, you know, with his "I legitimately won two national elections and drove this country out of the poo-filled trench G.W. Bush left it in" face on... all obviously the demeanor of a man who just face-pillow-heart-attack-injected one of the leaders of the judicial branch to death, probably with his own hands.

6) And then, just because people OF HIS TYPE can't help but rub it in with a victory lap, now he's OPENLY AND BRAZENLY USING THE CONSTITUTION, which was Justice Scalia's favorite, most fetishized thing, to justify trying to force a new justice on us when we are just a mere one whole year away from swearing in someone other than Jeb Bush as our new president. The unmitigated gall on this guy, continuing to president right into someone else's pre-first-term.

Doubt it if you want to, but I'm not going to be a sheep. Sheep and goats are also found way out at Cibolo Creek Ranch, apparently. If they'll murder a Supreme Court justice out there, there's no telling what they get up to with the sheep.

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*Sharia with the gay-marriage option included, obviously