Man-Child

The gay black guy kissed his tiny white boyfriend on TV after being selected almost last in the NFL Draft this week and the question immediately came up: Hey! Gays! We got kids watching this! How are we supposed to explain this to them?!

You have a lot of options of course, including the standards of regular neglect of their emotional development or sudden, terrifying violence. But I don't want to be insensitive. Human sexuality and adult romantic relationships can be a bit beyond the depths of the stubbornly under-formed. And the media and (statistically speaking) their own immediate family life is probably overwhelmingly if not exclusively of the heteronormative type, whether by coincidence or the magic of Scientology. So yes, even with no homophobia present, it's possible for your kids to be weirded out or taken aback by a demonstration of the dude-on-dude PDA.

The primary mission statement of this blog is to act in the service of my fellow man. Well, it was I think back in Draft #8 or 9 of the mission statement, from like 2011. I can't remember if it's still in there. I'm hopeful I remembered to leave it at least in an end note or in one of the appendices. But honestly the core section of the body is about the dangers of committing to specifics.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, helpful. OK, so if the kids think the Michael Sam video was gross, what do you say to them?

I'd start with:

 I'm sorry. Like as in, I'm your parent and I'm responsible for preparing you to face the whole wide world that is out there beyond the front door and the security screen outside the front door and the motion-sensor lights outside the security screen, and yet somehow I let you get to this age (whatever age that happens to be) without being presented with the homosexuality as the most general of concepts. Because of my own discomfort with things I know to be true and realize as a functioning, literate person with basic sensory inputs intact, I have made a conscious decision to present for you a world in which these things I do not prefer to confront do not in fact exist. To this point, I've failed in my most basic responsibility.

You shouldn't feel bad. I should. I should have gotten you ready. Even if I did, depending on your age, Hypothetical Child, it still would have been OK for you to be grossed out by the idea of people kissing in general. You said "eewwww" when Prince Whatshisname kissed Sleeping Beauty awake, but now that I think about it, I forgot to use that moment as an opportunity to expose the cultural tropes reinforcing the patriarchal constructs that constrain and limit 50% of our population without even getting into the further complications of race, religion or sexual orientation. Again, my bad.

Just so you know though, it was totally OK to be disgusted by the cake part of that video. That was just unsanitary. You know what, go wash your hands.