There are downsides to not currently dating anyone. The first and most obvious is that your blogposts tend to become a bit one-dimensional as far as content topics go. I want to write about gas prices and Libya, I really do, but it's hard to focus when you know as soon as you get done typing, whatever it is you do to fill the rest of your evening, sex will not be an option. We tend to romanticize the nuts and bolts of relationship-having when we're not in one, however. I usually write this fairly late, preferring to wait until the house is asleep so I can really focus and deliver for you people the highest of high quality dick jokes and metaphors-that-sound-profound-but-are-actually-dick-jokes, gratis. That means if there were a lovely young lady upstairs in my bed asleep as I type, any post-composition nookie would have to be of the Midnight Suprise/Shameful Morning variety. I can assure you, there aren't words enough to convince her you thought she was awake and "seemed into it." Generally speaking, anything along the rape spectrum--however far down--is one of the harder fights to win.
The upside to being untethered is the absolute nature of your free time. When I'm done here, I can do literally anything I want. Well, the kids are here tonight, so that's not a literal literally. It's more of a 15-year-old-girl text-message "literally." So not at all literally. Probably spelled "ltrly." Whatever the opposite of that would be.
Because I'm young and interesting and full of vim and pep and vigôr and vitality, I do exactly what you'd expect someone cannon-fired free from a 14-year relationship to do: I watch British television on YouTube.
Hang on, it's not as stodgy and hopeless and unfavorably-comparable-to-suicide as it sounds. It's not like I'm watching the kind of tweedy Received Pronunciation drawing-room dramas about the 18th century art of emotional constipation that would occasionally slough off onto public television over here in the '80s and '90s. One of them is a very with-it panel show about arcane bits of trivial knowledge existing in contravention to conventional wisdom presided over by a pedantic, classically-educated, Latin-fluent, 7-foot-tall homosexual. In retrospect, that was not my best sales pitch. But the people on it are funny! Sometimes. You'll only want to kill yourself if you DON'T want to know about cuttlefish or what a "henge" is. Which, let's be honest, doesn't seem likely. I mean... cuttlefish. Awesome.
The other one I've seen but resisted for a while, but have finally happily given in. It's a little precious as the main conceit of the show is that all the camera work is first-person. The POV shifts between people often enough, but if the person looking out takes a drink, a giant cup comes at the screen and angles toward you. And it's one of those shows that leans heavily on awkwardness and personal embarrassment as sources of humor. But it's also at turns wildly sociopathic and achingly sweet. These are terms the young and the cool use.
And yes, Doctor Who starts again Saturday. I don't have a faux awesome explanation for that one. If loving the spaceman with the magic flashlight is wrong, I'm just going to have to be Sarah Palin. Wrongness Invictus.
Eventually I get someone to fall for my standard girl-catching approach* but until then, I'm going to get myself all cultured up. And then she can spend a few months helping me to stop saying things like "bollocks" and yearning for the days of Empire. This is what girlfriends are for.
*Baileys Irish Cream with a twist of rohypnol
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
3 comments:
"it's hard to focus when you know as soon as you get done typing, whatever it is you do to fill the rest of your evening, sex will not be an option."
This must be why I have written so very little dissertation.
I expect it's worse that *I* sit home listening to BBC Radio 4 episodes of "In Our Time" (with Melvyn Bragg and guests as they discuss the history of ideas). Yesterday, it was "The Medieval University."
it's *radio* via internet. no wonder i'm single.
[in contravention of all nerd laws, I have never seen Doctor Who and do not intend to. I have seen photographs of the current Doctor, however, and I would be okay with HIM showing up unexpectedly in, say, my bedroom.]
I've encountered this strange "Doctor Who" resistance before. Maybe it's the 40-year history of the program that puts people off. Maybe it's peculiar British-ness. Maybe it's because it's a children's program dressed up for a more adult audience with... space-opera themes and latex monster faces? Hm. Can't quite put my finger on it. I'll sit and have a think and get back to you.
wait, there's space-opera themes? and latex monster faces? No one told me THAT.
I may have to rethink my position on Doctor Who.
which sounds awfully vulgar and rather dirty.
Post a Comment