Finally, finally, the Thing happened. That Thing soccer people have been waiting for: the result that changes everything and finally makes soccer a relevant sport culturally in the United States. All those years of the oppressive, slow monopoly of baseball. And football. And basketball and sometimes hockey and, on the distressing increase, NASCAR and professional wrestling. And boxing and the college version of most of the above sports. And MMA fights. At long, long last that twenty-something-pronged monopoly has bent upon the rock of the world's game, the beautiful game, surely ready to take its place in the pantheon on American niche sports, like tree-felling or poker.
It's exactly like the last time soccer rocketed into and solidified its place in American hearts and minds with the shock upset of Colombia in 1994 that was such a big deal, some dude got murdered over it. Or like when we defeated horrible archrival sneaky Mexico to reach the quarterfinals in 2002, despite the onfield gang rape of forward Cobi Jones, sending the country into soccer mania, forever lodging the sport in our collective consciousness like spinach between the teeth, never to be removed.
Especially until now, when even more, for an unprecedented at-least-third-time, the single, defining, indelible moment has been achieved. Again! With one dramatic victory, I'm repeatedly told, the difference has been made for real real, this time. Honest. No fingers crossed, no backsies.
Because one guy did that one thing, now you all have to like soccer. It's the law. It's like gay marriage. A few people smuggled it in from Europe or Gamorrah or whatever and now we all HAVE TO do it. That's the way things work here. Exactly how the Irish did it to us with the potato.
You don't have to believe me. You can just watch this video of people absolutely losing their shit when the goal is scored. That's shared experience. That's group thinking. It got us into Iraq. It can certainly lay claim to our free time and a small slice of our disposable income. What is more American than that?
It's here, people. And it's here to stay. Until we are humiliated in front of an unprecedented national audience vs. tiny Ghana on Saturday afternoon (11 am West Coast, everyone else do math). Then it's back down there with lacrosse. But that just means in probably another 8 years, a chance to experience that Absolute Singular Difference Maker moment for an even-more-unprecedented fourth time.
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UPDATE: Fuck.
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6 comments:
That link to people absolutely losing their shit made my day. Thanks!
Also, the paternity test came back negative.
Let's just hope we can say the same for the STD screen and you'll have hit the trifecta, Joe.
Wait -- I thought you were pro-futbol now.
(Mexico has it right -- 'futbol' is the perfect compromise.)
Well, I'm flattered, but I don't know that I'm ready to go pro.
I'm actually an adamant supporter. I'm just a bit skeptical (and a little tired) of pronoucements that single-game instances are going to magically make the sport mainstream popular is all.
I can personally vouch for the increased popularity of soccer. I've watched 5 soccer games in the last 35 years. 4 of those games have been in the last twelve years and two of them in the last four years. That's an unmistakable trend. Multiply that by all other Americans whose experiences no doubt mirror mine and we're just a couple of decades away from the commercial viability of soccer in this country.
I can personally vouch for the increased popularity of soccer.
My data is remarkably similar to yours! That's no longer anecdotal -- that's a trend!
(But, now that England's out, I'm out too. Oh well, 2014 looms.)
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